feelings during pregnancy

Feelings during pregnancy.

This post is from Ben about how he has been feeling with pregnancy symptoms, any anxiety he has or hope for the baby.

Ben's experiences.

So our journey has been a long ride, starting with me coming off hormones with all the ups and downs that came with it. Trying to find donors and being let down, then the stresses we had, which we have wrote about in previous posts so make sure you take a read. 
When we looked into the donors pages at the start it was hard, working out how it worked, what to write, to ask for or look for in order to find a donor that suited us, it was a hard one.

Do we write we are a trans couple? Do we just say we looking for a donor and then tell them? It was lots to think about so it did take its troll and stressed us out, or more so me. Shane has been my rock through it all.

Then as you can read in our previous posts, about finding our donor and also how I was having a bad time with being off hormones, then when it did not take the first time, as well as other things going on in day to day life and with family. But then finally we found the right donor and our journey began.

Come the end of may early June Shane was having dreams of me being pregnant, the cats were being more affectionate as well as my need to wee every 5 minuets.Therefore on the 3rd of June Shane and me got up about 9 am and did a first report test and it came back as positive and I didn't believe it because of all the stuff I went through and I know being stressed and everything is not good. for this reason we went out to get some clear blue test and did about 4, or 5 of them and they all come back positive. I started to believe it however, I also went to the GP to get a blood test done and the doctor did a dip and strip test but it came back negative so was not sure what to do and was not very understanding about being a trans pregnant man so I demanded a blood test to be done.

Once that test came back that I was in fact pregnant it kind of started to feel real, once it was medically confirm. A few weeks down the line I was about 5 week in, I woke up for work feeling really dizzy and sick so I rang in work to say I'll be in later. About 9 am I had some bleeding, me being someone that worries a lot, obviously when I saw I was bleeding I through the worse and started blaming myself for all the stress that went on and with my mental health. So I rang Ron one of our friends as Shane was at work. Ron was amazing by trying to calm me down until my aunt go to mine and took me to the early pregnancy unit. They said everything was fine for only being 5 weeks, the sac was in place however, it was too early to see the baby or get a clear idea. I was told to come back in two weeks.

I rang the school to get Shane so I  could explain to him, which I had to get my aunt to do because I was too emotional and resting back at her. I slept until Shane got there. I had a bit more bleeding on and off the next few days eventually it did stop. It was a hard two weeks I know Shane took it bad and it was hard to talk about but I stayed positive, I knew it was okay and just had to stay strong for our little one. We went back for our scan after two weeks, Shane and me were so nervous, I was thinking the worst like we had lost our little one. But as soon as we saw our baby and heard the heart beat everything changed, the smile on our faces said it all. I was so excited as I hug Shane when we left I knock his phone out his hand and the screen smashed. Oops.

I am now 16 weeks, it has been amazing but crazy with mixed emotions. The sicknesses started very early on and my days were breakfast, sick, work, home, dinner, sick, bed. I was feeling so tired, warn out and frustration as I couldn't spend time with Shane much.

Two weeks ago I developed a cold and a very aggressive cough to the point I felt sick so on top of morning sicknesses I also had the cough making me being sick. I went to the GP to see if they can help, because I was only 14 week they said it was to early to give me anything due to the baby growing and getting the nutrition from me that they need. So I was told to rest up and drink a lot of water.
Things then died down with my cold and cough and then went completely. Happy days I was then able to focus more with work and actually be able to enjoy my work. But I was still getting tired and coming home and not spending time with Shane. I work 8:30-4:30 everyday with an hour and half travel each way.

I was always getting very emotional over anything and everything I would have days where I would just sit there crying to Shane over nothing. It was weird because, I was on testosterone for three year and was not able to cry then as soon as I am pregnant that it all the water work kicked in, it's crazy.

Recently I have been experiencing the growing pains now within my stomach area and it was an odd feeling at first. it is like an elastic band tightening around my stomach. with my sickness still going on.

It also does not help that I have developed that cough and cold again. The last three night I have not sleep, instead I have just been sick constantly, it sucks. It has affected me really bad to the point I have had to take time off work and we even had to ring 111 and they sent an ambulance out to check over me. They did my blood pressure, temperature and everything come back fine. The reason we had to ring 111, is because I was getting pain in my chest and back due to the coughing but I did not know if it was also pain due to the pregnancy so my head was all over the place and I was in pain. I was told to rest and drink plenty. Also that all the pains were normal and could be early braxton hicks.

So I booked a doctors appointment and the doctor I had was not great he was new, he said I have a flu and basically said there is nothing he can do, just to rest. So I rang work to tell my manager, I felt emotional and thought that my manager was annoyed that I could not make work for the rest of the week. I went doctors again today and they have giving me antibiotics for 7 days and also gave me a sick note. Which I am now starting to feel a little better.

My thought of being a new dad 

I have anxiety of being a new daddy for the first time, while I am excited about becoming a dad, my anxiety levels throughout the pregnancy have been through the roof and sometimes I feel like I am gonna have a anxiety attack or something but I guess that is normal.  My through are “Am I going to be a good dad?” it just one of them things. I know I am a good uncle, but when it come to your own child it is different.

Just becoming a daddy to a tiny human is crazy. If I am honest sometimes I feel this whole pregnancy is just a dream because I have always wanted to be a parent. With my mental health I have felt that someone is just playing a game with me and I am going to wake up one morning and this has all been a dream.  I know in reality it is 100% not a dream and it is real life and my dream of being a daddy is so real and true.

I sometimes feel like is this even right, because of my childhood I know I want to make the most and make sure our child does not have to go through what I had to go through. Sometimes I feel I do not deserve this child or will I make the right decision, however I know deep down everything will be amazing. I know this is right and with everything I have been through this is one thing I know I really deserve and want.

But despite my anxiety of becoming a father as I have mentioned I am excited because I know deep down I will make an amazing father to our child and ensure they do not have the life I had to deal with when I was younger. I will try my hardest to give them the best life.

I am looking forward to teaching our child about life mostly about football of course 😂 but obviously just in general how the world works but manly how much we wanted our little one and how much they mean to us. How they can be whoever they want as long as they are truly happy and healthy.

Dysphoria was another worry I had, despite I think my body is awesome. I feel like it is a gift to have been born with the body that I did, and I made the necessary changes so that I could keep living in it, both through hormones and through other modifications, I had top surgery that I needed to feel comfortable enough to carry out my dream, of having a child biologically. I am happy with my body being a trans body. I am okay being a man who has a uterus and has the capability of carrying a baby. I do not feel like it makes me any less of a man. I just happened to be a man who is able to carry a baby.

Here are some reason why I am so excited and really want this child and why it means a lot to me:

We want to raise our child in a positive home environment, with a stable family. I wanted to create a life with my husband and have children. We want to create a family that is full of joy and love where they can be supported and accepted for who they are. We want to encourage them to be the best they can be and to be truly happy and do want they love. That they do not let anyone stop them in achieving their dreams.

The idea of being around babies and young children might disgust some people but I love the notion of raising a little one from birth into adulthood. I want to relive the silly and fun parts of our childhood with our child, and explore, travel and learn from them too. To be able to Give and Receive Unconditional Love.
There is a certain type of bond between parent and child that is incredibly powerful. The unconditional love that a parent has for their offspring and they give back is a motivator for most people especially us. I want to feel those strong emotions and share those emotions with my husband and our child.

The idea of us bringing another human into the world and the joy of seeing us all go through life is another powerful reason why I so want to have a child. I want to see our child grow up and become a productive member of society.

While it may seem obvious to some, having a child completely changes your life, after having a child you become responsible for their life and because of that, your existence takes on a whole new meaning. I love the idea of getting to create and raise a child, one that we can share our love with. This concept is appealing because you get to influence how our child will turn out and what values they will have. I can find that type of experience exciting and gratifying.

Also lastly to fix the mistakes of my parents and proof everyone wrong. Not everyone gets to grow up in a stable home environment with good parents. I lived with my parents as a baby but then got taken in to care and was raised by my aunt. My birth parents have serious flaws. So when I decided that I wanted to become a parent I knew I must not make the same mistakes. I will love our child the way my parents never loved me. I will proof to everyone that I can be the best parent our child needs.

I just can not wait, I am so excited but also nervous too, which I am sure all parents to be go through all the worries, hope and dreams for how this new human will change and shape life in the most exciting way. 

Do's and don'ts in pregnancy,

Do's and Don'ts.

What you can and cant do, what to eat or avoid, exercises and generally what to except throughout the pregnancy, this post is one that I would not have been able to write a few months ago. me and Ben were very prepared to have a baby however, I did not know much about being pregnant. I have never really been there throughout someones pregnancy. While my best friends had there daughter a year ago, they moved away to Brighton when they were 3 months pregnant, therefore I only saw them occasionally. We see a lot more of each other now, I was not there day to day throughout the pregnancy. This meant that I was not really sure what to except from Ben, how he would feel being pregnant with the add affect of being trans and having dyphoria. Then what he was allowed to eat, or not eat. What he was not allowed to do, so I started researching A LOT! For the first few weeks of the pregnancy I hardly slept, I was up most nights just googling and reading books, to set out plans of how I could support Ben. I wrote up meal plans, I Planned shopping list, list for what we need to start buying and at what stages of the pregnancy. I must admit I drove myself a little crazy. My OCD and need to organised took over in fall force. 

Further more this is why I wanted to write a blog and this post to channel my focus and share our journey with others. In order to help other people who are planning to have a baby, which ever method or gender or sexual origination, I want to support other frantic new parents out there, you are not alone!! 

This is some of do's and dont's I have gathered from all my research. There are many contradictory things in what is safe or not safe during pregnancy but, this is what we have stuck to.

foods.

Do	Dont
Eat lots of fruit and veg but ensure they are washed before.	Do not Eat raw meat or deli meats
Make sure eggs are fully cooked and not runny yolk.	Do not eat raw fish like sushi
Eat a lot of Dairy, pasteurized milk, eggs, yogurts and cheese	Do not eat unpasteurized milk or eggs
Legumes like beans, chickpeas, peanuts	Do not eat soft cheeses
Sweet potatoes because of high vitamin A	Do not have large amounts of caffeine
Broccoli and dark leafy greens	Do not eat pate
Lean meat like beef and chicken for protein and iron.	Do not eat homemade salad dressings like mayonnaise because of raw eggs but store Brought if fine
Berries and watermelon, as has high amount of water to keep fluid levels up. As well as health carbs, fiber, vitamins	Do not eat large amounts oily mercury fish like swordfish, salmon not more then two times a week
Switch to wholegrain bread, pasta and rice.	Do not have energy or sports drinks
Avocadoes	Do not drink
Dried fruit and nuts.	Do not smoke
Drink plenty of water over 8 glasses a day.	Limit fatty, oily food like takeaway, cake, sweets and chocolate but a small amount is okay.

There is probably some other things to avoid or to make sure you get plenty of but these are the main ones that we have followed and that midwives will advise. please seek medically advise if you have any concerns with what to eat or what is not allowed. The important thing is making sure you get a healthy balanced diet with plenty of nutrition to make sure the baby is able to grow healthy and strong. 

other important things to ensure:

• Do not take ibuprofen or some other medications, (seek medical advise on what is safe for you)
• Do not elevate body temperature, so avoid really hot baths, hot tubes and saunas. 
• Do not change the cat litter
• Do not do any unsafe heavy lifting or climbing 
• Stay away from harmful chemicals such as paint 
• Get plenty of sleep and rest 
• Do not reach or stretch up high
• Try sleeping on your left side not on your front or back 
• Stop wearing heels and make sure if you do wear bras they are fitted right
• Do keep having sex when you can it is completely safe unless told by your health providor
• Make sure your hobbies or work is safe still or make necessary changes.
• Take up prenatal yoga, or exercise stretching routines. 
• Take walks but rest when needed 

Make sure that you talk to your partner, family and friends as support is very important during pregnancy, always seek medical advise if you have any concerns.

Ben and myself have followed these guidelines from our own midwives team, GP or family members who have been pregnant. We have also made sure that we have keep a pregnancy journal where Ben had written down how he feels, or what has happened. This helps get out any anxieties and worry as well as document great moments like first scan, first kick and how much they grow. This blog is another way to document and share our journey too. We have been taking belly photos so we can see how big Ben's belly is getting. These little things are important and I would recommend because it helps keep track of the pregnancy, keep positive as how hard it my be everyone tells us it does not last forever so make sure you keep memories. 

Also this is just a basic advise I am in no way a professional so please do not think this is the same for every pregnancy and listen to your health care providers or midwives.  

Preparing pets for the new arrival!

Preparing pets for the new arrival.

As I mentioned I'm previous posts we have two kittens. Well not so much kittens anymore. We have Hayes who is 1 1/2 then Oakley who is now 11 months old. They were our first babies and a huge part of our family. We they are very much included in the new babies life too.

When we first got pregnant we did have some people ask us, oh well what are you going to do with the cats, as if we were expected to get rid of them. Which was not an option to us they are family. I'm sure many people will agree that pets are family too. So if you have cats, dogs, rabbits or any other pet you do not need to re-home them, but there is a few simple things you can do to get them involved and ready for their new sibling to arrive.

Firstly, cats especially, when they go outside can be a danger because they can bring in disease, like Toxoplasmosis. This is a common infection that you can catch from the feces of infected cats or infected meat. It's usually harmless but can cause serious problems in pregnancy. It can lead to miscarriages early on and many other health issues. More detail can be seen on the NHS Web page at: https://www.nhs.uk/conditions/toxoplasmosis/

So if your cats are outdoor cats it is advised to keep them in during the pregnancy. Also make sure they are bathed, brushed and de-flead and wormed regularly. Also it's advised not to feed them raw meat.

Cat litter can also be an issues or if you have any rodents like rabbits, hamster ect... It is best to get someone else to change these on a regular basis like every other day or at least one a week with a full clean out. If you can not get someone else to do this then always wear gloves, wash hands before and after.

So yes this is the basic in having animals and the dangers, which meant I am on cat litter duty and cleaning our cats throughout the pregnancy. Lucky our cats did not really go out. Hayes did here and there so they have not been to bothered about being kept inside.

However, despite these there are many positive about having animals in the household. I am sure everyone has seen all the cute videos on social media with children and their pets. With a little guidance and preparations I am sure any animal and new baby can be best of friends and live in harmony.

Our experience so far with Ben being pregnant and having cats has been really heart warming. So I believe animals can sense pregnancy and the changes through hormones and the pheromone that pregnant people give out. Our two defiantly are aware that something is going on. It was actually their behavior, during our two weeks wait that I knew Ben was pregnant. Apart from my random dreams of a positive pregnancy test. Hayes became more affectionate but only to Ben. One night we were laying in bed I went to cuddle Ben and just put my hand on his stomach. Hayes who was curled right up to Ben's stomach then bit me (which is extremely out of character) then, batted my hand away and cuddled around Ben's belly. The next day we found out Ben was in fact pregnant.

Hayes has always been a loving and affectionate cat however, more so now. He does not leave Ben alone when we are home. He sleeps right by his side and curls on his lap around the bump. He puts his paws on the bump, a few times licking it. On a few more occasions he has pushed my hand off Ben's belly or will lay in between us.

One special moment whi h we will treasure, which is the cutest thing was that when Ben was being sick one evening as he has been affected lot by this. Whilst I was in bed, Hayes had got up and followed Ben as they always do in morning after their food. However Hayes then ran back to me and was sat meowing at me until I got up, he the lead me to Ben in the bathroom. Hayes sat on his lap and was licking and pampering Ben to make him feel better. The fact he come and got me to go see to Ben and make sure he is okay was such a uquic moment. There was an animal caring for a human it was magical.

Oakley on the other hand has been a very shy and nervous kitten. He hides with new people and is very independent. He has never really slept on the bed and would preferred laying by himself or just with Hayes. He was not bothered with being pampered. He also didn't really like being picked up. But since Ben being pregnant he has also become very attention seeking. He follows us everywhere around the house. He sleeps at the bottom of the bed by Ben's feet. He still is not massive on being picked up or cuddled but will just follow us and come up for attention to be stroked or to play with him. he is more affectionate with me rather then Ben which is odd, when Hayes is protective of Ben. Oakley will try get my attention if I am cuddling Ben and seems to be getting very jealous, which is why we need more preparation for him.


Luckily we have very affectionate and calm cats, who are also very used to having children in the house. Hayes mainly because when we got him we lived with Ben's family which was a busy and noise home, where his two year old cousin lived, so Hayes was used to being handled, chased and the noise of a toddler. Logan loves Hayes, they would play together, it was so cute.Also Ben's other cousins or friends kids  ranging from 1-9 were always around. therefore Hayes was every used to lots of children, adults and other animals around, with mess and noise which is why he is very social able.

We went to stay with my friend
and their new little girl when she was 5 weeks old and Hayes was only about 10 weeks old, he laid in the pram with her and cuddled up. It was the cutest thing I had witnessed. As she grow bigger and we saw her Hayes remained very protective of her. Laying by her when she played the next time we went and babysat. He also sits with MJ our friends son, who we look after occasional,  Hayes will lay with him, he lays next to the travel cot while MJ sleeps. So I can't wait to see the bond he will have with the baby.


Then Oakley is used to this a bit but only occasional when we have looked after Ben's cousins or our friends babies. Because he is timid at first he run and hid under the bed but has started to get used to the noise and ciaos children bring. We often have our friend little boys who is now 1 and chases the cats around the house. However he was only a few months when he first came to stay and the cats then got used to him being in the travel cot so there weren't allowed in our room, overnight, then him crying to which they would run over to make sure he was okay. Oakley and Hayes would lay with him on the floor and play with the toys with him as he got older.

So they are very prepared and used to all ages of children being in the house and have adapted very well with no real preparation, however they may have also learnt that it's on occasion and get very attention seeking when the kids have gone home. So to have a new born baby who is here to stay still may need some more getting used to from our fur babies.

Therefore with all this I have been researching on how to prepare pets especially cats for the new arrival and wanted to share some of these tips with everyone.

These things are mainly for cats but I'm sure go for dogs too.

1. Prepare the nursery and let your pets sniff and have a feel of this new furnture or space. 
2. If you can introduce your pets to other babies or children like friend or family members kids. 
3. Leave baby items like blankets, bounser around for the pets to explor
4. Put new baby smells like baby lotions or talcum powder around the house, also on your own skin when letting or playing with your pet. To allow them to get used to this smell in a safe and reassuring way. 
5. Play baby sounds, like crying, giggling and laughing around the house. Start it off qui kly to no scare your pets, then as they get used to it play it louder or for longer. 
6. If their is any areas in the home that is going to be out of bounds once the baby is here start training pets as early as you can that they are no longer aloud in this room or on certain furtainure. 
7. Don't give your cat more attention to try make up for the lose of attention that may come when the baby is here. Because they will then expect this level and become more upset when baby's here. But also when the baby is here make sure your still giving your pets so attention and one on one time so they don't feel pushed out or abandoned. 
8. Making sure pets medical check ups are done, they are defeed, wormed and have behaviour training if they need it. 
9. When the baby is first Brough home it is important to first bring in a blanket or item of clothing for you pets to smell to get used to the babies scent. Then bring baby in and let your pet smell, look and explore them safely. Reward calm and good behaviour. 
10. Also never leave the baby and pet together unsupervised. There are items such as baby gates or moses baskets and cot net covers to help keep the baby safe. 

Lastly you know your pet best so make sure ypu do what you think your pet needs to be able to accept and deal with a new baby, if you pets unfortunately is not well behaviored or not responded well then you may need to consider rehoming options but hopefully the little tips will help prepare your pets for the new baby and everyone can live together happily. 

So please leave a comment if you have ever had experience with pets when pregnant as I am very interested and have been reading a lot about their awareness and how animals can sense pregnancy, or any tips on how you prepared your pet for the new arrival and how they behaved after the baby was born.

medical professions

medical professionals

In this post I will talk about how we have found medical staff and how the system has taken the pregnancy, with us being a trans couple. So we were excepting to have some difficulty with Ben being male and pregnant, we thought we would have to explain to staff about being trans. we were prepared for a struggle in being misgendered and a fight to be respected as dads however this luckily has not been the case. 

All hospital staff from receptionist, nurses and midwives have been amazing. The one and only time Ben has had a problem was with a doctor at our surgery, Ben has been at this doctors his whole life therefore they are aware of this medical history and transition. They normal are really good however he got a new male doctor, when he first went to tell them he was pregnant. instead of this doctor reading Ben's notes, he asked Ben to give his a brief explanation of his history and being trans. so Ben did and had to sit explaining his self and why he then chose to come off hormones and try for a baby. The doctors then did a dip and strip pregnancy test which actually came back negative. We had done 6 first response and clear blue test which were all positive. Which we knew was right because the doctors ones were not as strong. However the doctor was quiet rude saying they were wrong and because the doctors test were the strongest, Ben must not be pregnant, he then refused to do a blood test. Although this was upsetting and left Ben a little upset, second guessing if he was indeed pregnant we understood that as a new male doctor who did not know Ben's history he may have not been sure on what to do, he probably is not aware much of pregnancy and test in general so we just booked another appointment with a regular doctor who then did a blood test and it did in fact show Ben was pregnant. 

Since this first set back all other medical staff have been nothing but supportive, even getting bloods done at the hospital with a midwife and a nurse they put male on the forms and just wrote to say he was a trans pregnant male on the note to the lab, to ensure they did the tests that were needed. Some midwives have asked Ben what he wants to be referred to during the pregnancy, like Mr and male and father, highlighting that it is the first time they have come across a pregnant male. they were honest and apologized up front if they get it wrong because all the forms, notes and general information all are tailored to women, or have mother on them which becomes second nature to say when talking about pregnancy.  Despite this they have never misgender Ben and try and correct themselves when asking questions by say and men or say father to him. 

while others like the sonographer on our 12 week scan did not even highlighting the fact we were both male she just asked questions she needed to in a neutral manner, she did the scan referred to Ben as dad and male and me as the father too, which was amazing. It good when medical staff do check and do highlight the fact they have never dealt with trans people before to make sure they are doing and saying the right thing but it was a more amazing feeling to just be treated as any pregnant couple at the scan. she never misgendered Ben and said men and he the whole time. 

Another resent appointment we have with the well being midwives team were very supportive, they are taking on joint care to ensure Ben's mental health is okay throughout the pregnancy because of previous mental health, his history and with being trans they are seeing us joint with Dr Seal and the midwives team at the hospital. This antenatal psychologist  was very honest she said she had never any experiences with a trans pregnancy however, was very intrigued to learn from us to further help others, she was an older lady who been working in the profession for 30+ years so she said she may get things wrong but will try her best, she was very respectful and listen to what we needed in terms of care and support thought out the pregnancy, birth and after as well. it was actually a really great appointment to be able to teach her more about trans people in general as well as carrying a baby.

The only other thing we have witnessed is confusing and funny looks from the general public, like from other pregant people when we are in the waiting rooms at the antinantal clinics, or when we were at the early pregancy unit. This is understandable as people are not used to seeing to men alone in these spaces, it is a very women dominating area. So it's easy to just not get upset over this. Me and ben while it is a little uncomfortable find it quiet funny. The fact others look at us and double take when we walk in, we go to the desk and hand over our pregnancy book and say we have an appointment with the midwive, or when we are called as in as Mr or Ben, while other women waiting have very confuses looks on their faces trying to work it all out. I almost feel sorry for them at the fact that others are not aware that men carry babies too. Some smile akwardly at us and some are more welcoming. It is weird for us to being surrounded by pregnant women and being two men in such a place but we are just as much in the right space as they are. As Ben is not showing just yet or can hide the bump with baggy clothes we have not experienced too much from the general public when we are out and about which I'm sure in time il have some stories to share. 

So we are very lucky not to have had any misgendering or bad reactions to Ben being a pregnant man at all, we are at a great open minded hospital and are educating staff which is great for future trans people who decided to carry. Hopefully this continues for the whole pregnancy and even after in our child's life, Although if we do comes across difficulties we are prepared for this to educate everyone to ensure our child grows up in a better open minded and caring world, we know it will be hard and we have a long road ahead to acceptance in society but we will stand together and ensure we educate and not let anyone puts us down. 

Telling our family

Telling our family.

This post is about how and when we told family and how they took it. So different family member found out at different times. They have all been supportive but more so then others. 

Alot of our family and close friends knew we were trying and that Ben was going to carry, because we wanted them to be prepared and be apart of our journey. 

Ben's family knew as soon as he decided he wanted to carry and when he came off hormones because, they live near and we see them a lot. At the time we also lived at their house.

Some of my family knew when Ben came off hormones like my nan and grandad and dad because they were very supportive of my transition as well as me and ben as a couple. 

They all were very excited. The main people being Ben's cousin's wife who we spoke to a lot and had her own two children along with complication with their births. They were also trying for another. My Nan and Grandad also were there for us a lot through Ben coming off hormones and us trying for a baby.

When we conceived we were so excited and just wanted to tell everyone. Our close friends who are our chosen family were the first people we told having gone done a simpler journey being trans daddies. Then as we were going round to Ben's aunts for the normal weekly family roast we told them as could not hide our pure happiness. They were shock because it happen quicker then any of us expected. But very happy. Also Ben's nan was surprisly great with it all considering it took also 9/10 year to accept Ben as a male. Pretty much after getting with me and I would correct them if they misgender him or used his birth name. But she was exited to have another baby in the family. 

Ben's aunts been really good taking him to the early pregancy unit when he had the bleeding as well as talking to us about it. Also bens older cousins, who are more like his siberling as he was raised by his aunt with them all growing up together. 

Then next my nan and grandad, dad, step mum, her kids and mum and step dad were the next family to know. They were all excited especially my dad, he can not wait to be a grandad. My mum was surprised and congratulated us.

We wanted to wait until our 12 week scan to let anyone else know, however because my cousin was expecting twins 7 weeks ahead of us. It slipped up at a family party I was not at which my nan and grandad told us that all my family knew. I was sad about this because it was my news to tell. As I moved away from where all my family lived and with my transition I become more distant with my family and was building relationships back up, so I hated that I was not even there and that something that was so exciting and I want to share was taken from me.

Specially with not being out of the danger zone and with Ben having bleeding a few weeks before I didn't want everyone knowing yet. However a few weeks on and we had a big family party which me and Ben attended. It was good to see everyone and my family were very supportive and congratulated us. They were all excited which was good. I was able to talk to my aunts and cousins more and now it was out I felt better about it. 

My brother was the last to know really, as he is in the navy and away, meaning he was not there to find out. So after him being told about my transition I want to at least be the one to tell him he was going to be an uncle (considering he was the only uncle our child would have by law) although they have lots of chosen uncles and aunts which are very close friends. I had to tell my brother over messagener because he was not due back for a few more weeks. I didn't want him coming back and hearing it from other people. Also because it was after 12 weeks and we wanted to share it. He actually seemed really pleased and excited which was a surprise because he does really try but think he finds my transition hard. Also being away alot I don't see him that much. He also said he hopes it's a boy so he can take him out and  stuff.

Then lastly Ben's little cousins who are two and three found out. Ben's family were worried abit about explaining it to the younger kids because they might not understand where Ben is a man. However they could not be more wrong. His oldest cousin who is three is very clever and wise to the world. Also with having other siberling and her mum trying she knows about it. She thinks the stalk brings the seed and knows they grow in her mummies tummy til they are ready. Then get cut open and the doctors sqeash the baby out and sew the tummy up (her mum had to have c sections)

She was so happy and excited saying she wants a girl cousin because there is all boys in the family. Tonight shows how children understand the world more them most adults. 

While babysitting I laid with her to get them all to sleep and all she is talking about is our baby. Saying Ben got a baby in his belly and saying how the stalk brought us a baby and chose Ben not me. She asking why they chose Ben bless her. She saying our baby will have two daddies. 

She was asking lots of innocent questions about when they will be here and coming up with names for us. Asking if she can hold and feed them and buy them a present. She wants to buy them a toy car and a Teddy so they can sleep and play with them. She just so excited. She knows they are here in febuary and it is the cutest to just talking to a 3 year old about a man having a baby and it is just normal in her world. People need to take inspiration from kids innocent mind in how we see the world

We are now 14 weeks, things are going well. We have lots of baby stuff already because we are just so excited as well as me having OCD and being too prepared because, I like to plan. We have lists of stuff we have, lists of things we need to still buy and lists for others to get us.

We have another appointment next week so I will update on all that and how Ben's has been feelings.