We Are Pregnant.

We Are Pregnant 

It is so exciting and we could not be happier. We was not excepting it to happen so soon especially as we got our hopes up and crushed so much on our first donation. But now we are married and settled more, it worked out at the perfect time to bring happiness in hard times. 

It was different this time, We did not get our hopes up as much and did not look into symptom at all really. Ben had started to feel sick and his moods were low, they changed and he was all over the place. We had lots going on and lots of stress where Ben was struggling with other family stuff we put it down to that, however I just knew he was pregnant, I do not know how I just did. I had some idea because he began to get very snappy and frustrated which was not like him, he was getting headaches and peeing all the time. 

He took a strip early result pregnancy test but it was negative, however we did it in the evening and they there was a very faint line but it was not reliable. So we went to buy an electric first response test. Ben did not want to get his hopes up which was understandable, so he believed the negative was right.

I started having dreams of Ben taking pregnancy tests and it was positive, or him being pregnant with a big bump. These were recurring very night and I could not take it any more. Therefore on the Sunday morning (2/6/18) he took the test and gave it to me.

As we waited, I was over come by the word pregnant we could hardly believe it we are going to be dads. We were so excited yet Ben had to take more test later and in the following days for it to truly sink in. We were very exited thus set out to have a plan on diet and getting a doctors appointment.

Ben's post on why he wanted to carry. 

The reason is to start a family, I wanted to have the experience of being pregnant. I think it is great I get to be a man and carry a baby.

Not to somehow embrace femininity or to de-transition. I’m a transgender guy, born with typical female anatomy. I have taken testosterone for a few years and then stopped in order to try and conceive. I have also had chest surgery as part of my transition, so even when my belly grows, I will still have a flat, masculine-appearing chest and I maintained my beard. I made the necessary changes so that I could keep living as male, both through hormones and through other body modifications whilst being pregnant.

The pregnancy and baby are very much planned, but still, there is the question of how will I open up and give birth – an event centered around parts of my body in which I felt extreme discomfort, even anguish. I know for sure it would be a lot easier to give birth naturally but I want to try and have a cesarean due to my dysphoria.Yet thinking about that first moments when I had to pee on a stick, was a massive thing. How my dyphoria was apparent I was just too excited about what the answer brought that it took over the adrenaline of being so aware of that part of my body. 

Gender dysphoria is generally defined as a distressing sense of incongruity between one’s body parts and one’s inner sense of gender. Yet it may be experienced in many different ways, which explains in part why not every transition is alike. My gender dysphoria used to stem mainly from my breasts, and after my surgery I rarely experienced it any more. As long as I can be clothed from the waist down, I am happy to go about my daily business.

Having a baby was something we had to decide for months not an over night thing. One of the things we had really wanted to do was really appreciate each stage of our relationship. We did not want to move in right away; we did not even want to say "I love you" right away. We kind of ended up going from zero to 60, leapfrogging a bunch of steps. After 7 months we got engaged. This isn't a game something I want to do with Shane, then a year later to be married with a baby on the way may seem fast and crazy, yet we are both committing to being together and be a family for the next 30+ years and beyond.

We really wanted the experience of having a family in our own way. I am transgender, and Shane is also trans: which meant using a donor and I am so glad we had this options to have a family. We have known many transgender men who have given birth to babies. So, we met with a team at the gender clinic in Charing Cross to make sure that this was something that could be done in a medically safe way. It is similar to going off hormonal birth control; all the systems kick back into gear.

I would have been on testosterone for 3 year in November 2017, except I stopped taking testosterone, in August 2017, furthermore I had ultrasounds just to make sure everything was in working order and healthy. I had been on it for long enough that most of the physical and cosmetic effects do not reverse. My voice does not change, and my beard does not just fall out. I still completely appear male. The only adjustment is getting a cycle again after not having one for about 3 years and being prone to the up and down hormonal moods that you would expect when you have a cycle. That was a little bit of a tough experience adjusting back to, I just though, oh I guess this is that time in the month when I'm a little short-tempered.

My Gender identity clinic Doctor and GP sensed the magnitude of my fear and suggested I talk to a therapist. My only previous therapy experience had been the kind where as a transgender person you try to present in the expected stereotypical narrative about having played with trucks instead of dolls in childhood so that the psychologist will let you have hormones or surgeon. Not wanting to jeopardize my chances at receiving transition-related care in the future. I went to a different therapist this time, which was nice to be able to just talk about general life and being pregnant as a man without being judged or passed off because they did not understand.

I am pregnant and I identity as a man- yes it may seem complicated. A lot of transgender men that I know have carried babies. They are some of my closest friends who I consider family and my role models. They are good, kind, caring, and loving people who have been through this process. In some ways, I would detached the process of birth-from womanhood. I, of course, understand that the vast majority of people who have babies are women. I am already transgender, therefore already doing something that is outside of the norm of what men and women are supposed to do, so for me, I do not feel it is that unusual for men to have babies.

I am aware that my pregnant belly might or might not bring up feelings of gender dysphoria for me, but I want to experience having a little one. I want to have bottom surgery at some point, meaning I will not be able to have this chance to have a baby which is why I wanted to experience and carry why I still can.

It really does seem like people may be willing to hesitantly accept a transgender person as long as we never acknowledge or talk about it. So me saying, "Yes, I am a man," and, "Yes, I'm  having a baby," there's something about that which is really hard for people. I do not want to be like a biological man. I am just a man that is having a child. I think I am in a unique situation that I think is valuable, and I do not wish to give that up. I really thought that maybe we as a culture we were ready to expand our idea of who transgender people are. The message has been the thing that makes us transgender is we hate our bodies, and we want to do everything to change them. That's the experience of a lot of transgender people; it's also for me I have my own discomfort with my body therefore I did make the necessary steps like hormones and having surgery and will have bottom soon but for now it is OK to embrace and accept the unique path I have.

When I first transitioned I did not think that any of this could happened, I did not know my options or that I could ever have a biological child. Hence it has been a total surprise to me, because that’s not the trans story we are all told, more so why I want to express that love is possible, that being a loving family is possible. and for men to be pregnant is in fact common. I am no way the first men to be pregnant as men having been having babies for centuries, with social media and more coverage people are just more aware and stories of trans men being pregnant are more public now. 

I have always wanted to be a dad, always. The reason I want kids is I love the idea of taking them to exciting places and teaching them stuff, enjoying birthdays and Christmas’ to make a little person happy and see their faces when they achieve. To love another person and take care of them. I love my husband and want us to share being parents together and enjoy that whole new chapter. It is everything we hope for!! Just baby sitting out friends little children and our cousins as well as both working in schools we know we was ready to have a child of our own. I want to be a Dad and I wanted my husband to have this chance to be a Dad.

My family invested some time and love in raising me to be the man I am today. They instilled in me, values and morals that make me a loving, caring, respectful, law abiding and productive member of society. I want this family legacy to continue for future generations to come because if it does I think the world will be a much better place.

Another reasons for wanting to be a Dad, includes wanting to see my dad in law (Shane's dad) becoming a grandparent and my cousins to become cousin to our little one. for both our families to be apart of our child's life

Selfishly, I feel unfulfilled despite having personal and professional success. My heart and home feels incomplete and after reflecting for a long time and trying to fill the void with hobbies, work, pets, travelling and an array of other things, I reached the inescapable conclusion that I was destined to be a father.

Above all else my Husband and I are full of care and love that we just want to invest in our own little human and cherish them and make them our life.