medical professions

medical professionals

In this post I will talk about how we have found medical staff and how the system has taken the pregnancy, with us being a trans couple. So we were excepting to have some difficulty with Ben being male and pregnant, we thought we would have to explain to staff about being trans. we were prepared for a struggle in being misgendered and a fight to be respected as dads however this luckily has not been the case. 

All hospital staff from receptionist, nurses and midwives have been amazing. The one and only time Ben has had a problem was with a doctor at our surgery, Ben has been at this doctors his whole life therefore they are aware of this medical history and transition. They normal are really good however he got a new male doctor, when he first went to tell them he was pregnant. instead of this doctor reading Ben's notes, he asked Ben to give his a brief explanation of his history and being trans. so Ben did and had to sit explaining his self and why he then chose to come off hormones and try for a baby. The doctors then did a dip and strip pregnancy test which actually came back negative. We had done 6 first response and clear blue test which were all positive. Which we knew was right because the doctors ones were not as strong. However the doctor was quiet rude saying they were wrong and because the doctors test were the strongest, Ben must not be pregnant, he then refused to do a blood test. Although this was upsetting and left Ben a little upset, second guessing if he was indeed pregnant we understood that as a new male doctor who did not know Ben's history he may have not been sure on what to do, he probably is not aware much of pregnancy and test in general so we just booked another appointment with a regular doctor who then did a blood test and it did in fact show Ben was pregnant. 

Since this first set back all other medical staff have been nothing but supportive, even getting bloods done at the hospital with a midwife and a nurse they put male on the forms and just wrote to say he was a trans pregnant male on the note to the lab, to ensure they did the tests that were needed. Some midwives have asked Ben what he wants to be referred to during the pregnancy, like Mr and male and father, highlighting that it is the first time they have come across a pregnant male. they were honest and apologized up front if they get it wrong because all the forms, notes and general information all are tailored to women, or have mother on them which becomes second nature to say when talking about pregnancy.  Despite this they have never misgender Ben and try and correct themselves when asking questions by say and men or say father to him. 

while others like the sonographer on our 12 week scan did not even highlighting the fact we were both male she just asked questions she needed to in a neutral manner, she did the scan referred to Ben as dad and male and me as the father too, which was amazing. It good when medical staff do check and do highlight the fact they have never dealt with trans people before to make sure they are doing and saying the right thing but it was a more amazing feeling to just be treated as any pregnant couple at the scan. she never misgendered Ben and said men and he the whole time. 

Another resent appointment we have with the well being midwives team were very supportive, they are taking on joint care to ensure Ben's mental health is okay throughout the pregnancy because of previous mental health, his history and with being trans they are seeing us joint with Dr Seal and the midwives team at the hospital. This antenatal psychologist  was very honest she said she had never any experiences with a trans pregnancy however, was very intrigued to learn from us to further help others, she was an older lady who been working in the profession for 30+ years so she said she may get things wrong but will try her best, she was very respectful and listen to what we needed in terms of care and support thought out the pregnancy, birth and after as well. it was actually a really great appointment to be able to teach her more about trans people in general as well as carrying a baby.

The only other thing we have witnessed is confusing and funny looks from the general public, like from other pregant people when we are in the waiting rooms at the antinantal clinics, or when we were at the early pregancy unit. This is understandable as people are not used to seeing to men alone in these spaces, it is a very women dominating area. So it's easy to just not get upset over this. Me and ben while it is a little uncomfortable find it quiet funny. The fact others look at us and double take when we walk in, we go to the desk and hand over our pregnancy book and say we have an appointment with the midwive, or when we are called as in as Mr or Ben, while other women waiting have very confuses looks on their faces trying to work it all out. I almost feel sorry for them at the fact that others are not aware that men carry babies too. Some smile akwardly at us and some are more welcoming. It is weird for us to being surrounded by pregnant women and being two men in such a place but we are just as much in the right space as they are. As Ben is not showing just yet or can hide the bump with baggy clothes we have not experienced too much from the general public when we are out and about which I'm sure in time il have some stories to share. 

So we are very lucky not to have had any misgendering or bad reactions to Ben being a pregnant man at all, we are at a great open minded hospital and are educating staff which is great for future trans people who decided to carry. Hopefully this continues for the whole pregnancy and even after in our child's life, Although if we do comes across difficulties we are prepared for this to educate everyone to ensure our child grows up in a better open minded and caring world, we know it will be hard and we have a long road ahead to acceptance in society but we will stand together and ensure we educate and not let anyone puts us down.